Tuesday, October 21, 2008

it started feeling like october

amazing, isn't it-- the first time i heard that line in "annie use your telescope" was when it had just become october. and now we're two-thirds into the month.

honestly, i don't know where this semester has gone. for one, things have changed since the end of september... things are always changing. even when i finally think the motion has settled, it's only because i've gotten used to the situation shifting. chaos is constant in its own weird way.

whirlwind is so oddly appropos to describe my life right now. i've settled into a habit, school, work, school, work, work, work... and so on. i forgot to renew the book i'd checked out a few weeks ago. momentary lapse in memory. being on campus is so normal-- i just wish school were closer so i didn't waste so much gas shuttling myself back and forth.

friendships made, lost, and then hopefully made again. some days i don't know what i'm working toward; and other days, it's so obvious. it's those days where i feel so aimless that i wish i could rein in the feeling of "knowing," and save it for those days when i need it. in my ideal world, i would allow myself to drift and see where i'm taken; but i know that the control freak in me would not appreciate it. at all. i need to at least pretend to have direction. see where i can take myself with maximum effort. and then decide: do i like where i am, or don't i?

on the subject of music, i finally caved and signed up for pandora. i really liked it the first few times i've used it, so i'm hoping to get into that more. otherwise, i've been listening to the veronicas' album hook me up as a totally gratuitous pick-me-up. i love that they've gone for a more dancier vibe than their previous album (which is somewhere in my stacks of cds, needs to be found sometime asap). they are just so cute and it makes me happy.

needless to say, i'm in a strange limbo place right now. i don't know if i belong in certain worlds. but if i try, i know i can make myself.

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