and so the lion ate the lamb for breakfast

twilight - the movie
(BECAUSE, LOOK, I'M NEVER GOING TO GET OVER IT. OK?)

win:
+ i ship rpattz/ray-bans and jacob/formal wear. a lot.

+ my favorite character, alice!!!

+ baseball scene (alice and jasper ftw!)

+ kitchen scene (emmett wave, alice entrance, edward's expressions)

+ victoria/rachelle lefevre is fierce (but hardly has any lines)

+ charlie, ngl you actually felt for him when he said "we could do things..."

+ YOU BROUGHT A SNACK - never fails

+ ok i love edward's vamp!hair. sorry. and rpattz's overacting when he's being emo. i kind of expected it given how expressive he is IRL. what i did not expect was the endless lulz it brought.

+ the humans-- yes, they were cheesy. and stereotypical. and whoa! multicultural. but at least they were there, being human... instead of like random side characters that bella forgets about by the time the series is over. i liked when bella sees them being normal and joking around while exiting a restaurant/coffee shop (?) when she's in the truck trying to escape james.

fail:
- kstew: i get it. you have a fierce b!tchface which is kind of awesome in photographs. but look, even though bella is the biggest non-character ever, i don't think bella looked permanently aloof and/or comatose the whole time. where was the obsessive bella? where was the effect of being "dazzled?" you throw in a scene about you dreaming about him and then "you're beautiful" and then you're like 0 to sparkle!love in 20 seconds. what gives?

- also, i'm fairly certain kstew was playing the role of bella kstew.

- meadow scene: mostly lolarious. see: delivery of "as if you could outrun me! as if you could fight me off!"; see also: sparkle!time "this is the skin of a killah!"

- plot holes and/or things that are assumed because apparently we've all read the book: fan blowing in bio lab, where is 20 questions in the volvo, why do they love each other (other than that she's a freesia-scented nomnom), why bella doesn't wear more clothes when she's lying next to ice-cold marble adonis edward, inexplicable pianoward bella's lullaby, where's jasper's power, lack of explanation re: alice's vision of seeing vamp!bella, lack of explanation in ballet studio of how alice got vamped... ok, sorry, too much fail for one bullet point.

- still not convinced that nikki reed is rosalie. she looked like she was going to laugh when bella said "oh, where i become a meal?" and the jeans in the cafeteria scene. were. atrocious. plz to be burning your wardrobe kthxbai

- sepia-toned flashbacks were lame.

- i still do not get how easy it was for bella to escape alice and jasper. one, jasper is highly sensitive to emotions and feelings. two, alice is A PSYCHIC VAMPIRE. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO ESCAPE A VAMPIRE WHO ALREADY KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO?

- the movie needed MOAR JACKSPER.

list is subject to change w/o further notice.

UPDATE: the always incredible cleolinda has posted her "twilight in 15 mins" parody. plz to be reading. ~*spoiler alert*~ don't read it if you don't want breaking dawn ruined for you. or if you take the movie really, really, really seriously.